"Friends"

Hello and welcome to my very first blog. I hope to post often because I have a lot of extra free time on my hands and I feel the need to have an outlet for my feelings and Facebook just wasn't cutting it. I don't know if I'll even tell anyone I know about this blog-I'm sure many names may need to be changed if I do and even then people will probably know who/what I'm talking about. I will state right now I am not a writer by any means. There will be plenty of grammar and perhaps spelling mistakes and I'm sure I won't make sense sometimes. I'm sure my thoughts will be scattered and a mish mash of ideas. This blog is more for me than anyone else. Nevertheless, here goes.

So, the title of this blog is specific and quotes are definitely intentional. I used to have a best friend who recently "dumped" me over email. You may ask "why?" and I have a few ideas but honestly when it comes right down to it, I don't really honestly know. I've talked to many people about the situation and they have great input and advice-"she couldn't handle you being happy when she wasn't or that you have the life she wanted" or "she lacks the insight to see why she can't be a friend to you right now" and I believe both are very true but it doesn't make it any less painful. I "unfriended" her on facebook which felt good for the moment but I just found myself going to her page and looking at her most recent pics and feeling sad all over again. I don't understand why it's so hard to find a good friend that you can count on and trust and just plain have fun with. Am I that hard to get along with?

Then you have my so-called friends. They never seem to have time for me and just seem to want to do their own thing. Ok, I get it, I want to do that sometimes too, but come on I NEED GIRLFRIENDS. I've met plenty of people who are nice and all but no one seems to "get" me. I can't find anyone that truly shares my interests and feelings and personality, etc. I always thought that was pretty easy to find because I feel like a pretty normal person-but let me tell you-it's near impossible! Or my so-called friends will do stuff IF I make the plans and IF it's something they feel like doing. Anyway, I just don't get it and I'm tired of trying to find a new best friend. I keep telling myself that the acquaintances I have are enough and that I need to be less picky when it comes to meeting people and I just need to be open to all people and all "fun" that could possibly be had with anyone. Easier said than done. I've discovered I'm an HSP-highly sensitive person. The littlest things can hurt my feelings-the way someone says something, the look on their face when they say it, stupid fb comments, etc. I try not to be so sensitive but that's like trying to be taller.

I have a great life and I'm happy in general but I just am missing a great girlfriend in my life-to share everything with. To go to Target and movies and dinner and shopping with. I'm not completely giving up yet, but it's getting easier to just be lonely.